Friday, April 24, 2015

My Opinion: Brutally Honest Anti-Aging Ideas

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If you think I'm about to use this opportunity to sing like Madonna about SPF, nope. This is a beauty blog. Shallow is completely okee dokee around here. Heck, I dissect the virtues of mascara wands. This is not about deep thought and world peace. My first little tip brings Madonna to mind. I'm thinking about her boobs. Actually, I'm thinking about your boobs and I've never even seen them!
Remember those really pointy boobs? Of course, you do. They just about defined her. Ladies, look down. How are your boobs defining you?  Spare the world the look of saggy, deflated boobs.  We might not get back to perky but we can sure as heck find a bra that hoists them up.

Get a great bra. Note, a new bra is not the same as a great bra. An expensive bra is not the same as a great bra. A great bra pulls you up, points you forward and pulls them together. Got it? I'm not a bra expert, I can't talk to you about proper size or fit. I only know that when I see a woman wearing a sloppy bra, I want to
start singing the glorious song that closes the first act of Wicked, "Defying Gravity" and hoping she gets the hint. Ladies, If you are trying to defy gravity (you sure as heck better be!), let a great bra do the work -  lifting boobs by adjusting the strap is not the method of choice here. That is not how you defy gravity. That is how you make yourself look ridiculous from behind because all you've done is yank the back band up to your neck. Isn't that a pretty picture right next to the back fat?!? Let's all get that image out of our minds right now and pinky swear we will not use straps to hoist the girls up.

Defying Gravity
When you go shopping for a new bra, wear or take something along that is painfully true, ie, a body hugging garment. You know, that thing hanging in your closet you are determined to fit into again someday. C'mon you can do this! It's only you and a mirror, no Olympic judges holding up score cards. Ain't none of this gonna' be pretty! Reach up, reach down, look at yourself from every angle. Are they pointing forward or down? Are they spread apart or pulled together? Take your time. This most likely is not a one trip mission.

I'm filled with delightful topics. Let's talk teeth, white teeth. People who live near the airport stop hearing the planes after a while. That's similar to what happens as we look in the mirror, we get (too) used to what we see. Our teeth look fine and a week later they are fine and a month later they are fine and so on. But at some point, unless you are paying attention, the teeth are getting yellower as you get older. Have you noticed or are you like the person living near the airport who no longer hears the planes. It's a slow process getting your teeth white on with your own efforts, probably slower than finding a great bra. Use those tooth whitening rinses - store brand is just fine! Use the best whitening tooth paste you can afford. There is a great product at the drug store or discount store called Plus White Five Minute Whitening Gel. It's like a tooth paste. You can use as directed by brushing it on and leaving it on for five minutes followed by your regular brushing. Or do what I do, just add some on your toothbrush along with your regular tooth paste. It will work! Be patient...keep that long life ahead of you in mind. Teeth didn't get yellow over night, did they? They're not going to get white over night.

I'm going to stay calm on this puppy. Do you wear glasses? For the love of all things good, when was the last time you got yourself new frames? Shop around. Lots of places to get inexpensive frames. I understand that if you have a complicated prescription, new frames might only be a once every few years kind of splurge. Give your glasses some thought. Are they TODAY or are they 2010? Don't even tell me they are turn of the century! Honey! Doesn't cost anything to look. Next time you're at the mall or Costco or WalMart or where ever they sell frames, go try a few on. If you are going to ask someone's opinion, you need someone who is wicked honest. Since I can't fly across the globe and help each one of you, you're on your own to find that true prize of a friend who tells you the truth. Take a selfie with at least five different pairs. Go home, download them onto your laptop and look at them over and over and over.

Do the glasses hit too low or are they trendy? Hmmm.
This last one is very personal. I'm whispering. Lean in. Your hairstyle. Or lack there of.  Let's put the debate over going grey aside. There are mountains of websites with hair styles. Go find them and use them! Google is your friend. Would a three inch trim give your hair more bounce?  Will layers make you a bit more TODAY? Think about Samson. He was his hair, ask Delilah. Farrah. Talk about a hair style defining an entire generation! Is your hair style still a good look? If it  is, then rock it as they say. If you love it, then swagger when you walk and hold your head high. But if you are wearing your hairstyle by default, because it is what you have done for years, all I'm saying is take a look around. There's a world of style and adventure our there. Afraid to take the plunge, go try on some wigs. Visit websites that let you download a photo of your face and "try on" different hair styles. Take your time. Let it "grow" on you a bit. Deep breaths. Crack out of your shell. Make it a six month plan, little steps, little changes. No need to be drastic all at once.

Everyone is running around like Chicken Little looking for the latest and greatest ingredient in skincare to turn back the clock. That's a litany of blog posts for another day. For today, look at things you can actually control. Don't hurry. No need for an instant makeover. Be happy, be calm, be thoughtful. Make a plan. Ease into the plan. Except for bra shopping. Start that NOW!


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