Sunday, January 3, 2016

Weekly Beauty Edit 1.03.2016 Drives Me Crazy

When it comes to beauty products, all my problems are first world problems. I get it and I'm plenty aware of that. This is a beauty blog, ie, vanity thy name is Lulu. I blog about lipstick and whether foundations come with a pump. These pet peeves of mine do not keep me up at night. Maybe my hunt for a nude pencil liner that stays on my waterline does. Given the choice of being kept up at night between an infestation of grubs in my lawn or the search for a nude pencil liner, I'd rather think about the liner.

I put together a list of my first world beauty product pet peeves. This is product oriented, not people oriented. That would be a book (hint.... dark liner with light lipstick....chipped pedicure with open toe shoes.....super thin eye brows....).

When I place my brush in a pressed powder product and a Dust Bowl from the 1930s suddenly appears before my eyes, that product promptly meets its death as I push it over the ledge into the trash can. It can be workable, I know, but I am not a patient person. Too many lovely products to put up with a dust storm.
Fall Out
No, I will not sweep it off my cheeks. No, I will not do my eyes first and then let the foundation take care of fall out. No. If eye shadow is going to spill off my lids and onto my cheeks either during application or as the day goes on, off to Death Valley it goes. About a year or two ago, I bought a Dior Fusion Mono Eye Shadow in Mirror, a most beautiful buttery yellow, not quite gold, with a shimmer. I like wearing light colors with shimmer on my lids because it is the only way anyone can tell I even have lids. But this shadow was ridiculous. I swear I found sparkle in my freezer from this beast. Could I put some MAC Fix + on my brush? Of course, but if I have to work to make a product work, nope. Too many fish in the sea to put up with such nonsense.

Nude Pencil Liner
A brand can make a perfect, long lasting, wear for hours on the waterline black pencil liner. That same brand can make that same pencil in a nude color and it is gone off the waterline within an hour. NARS, Tarte, Stila, Laura Geller, IT Cosmetics, Urban Decay, MUFE, I can go on. One hour and gone. Gone, I tell you! If I ever had Lasik, they'd wonder what the heck is all that beige good behind her eyeballs. It's her nude pencil liner! When I hear complaints about a black liner not lasting all day, I roll my eyes. Honey,(don't you love when I call you Honey - kind of like a waitress wearing bright red lipstick while smacking on some bubble gum) try finding a nude pencil that wears more than 60 minutes!!! Rimmel seems to be the best at two hours. I wear nude pencil on my waterline because I have very red eye rims. It is not optional, it is a necessity. Did I mention first world problems?

Nail Polish Puddles
I can tolerate a nail polish that goes on streaky during a first coat as long as it fixes itself with the second coat. But puddling? Zero tolerance on my part. And inevitably, those that puddle also leave drag marks. How doe these companies test their products? It's not operator error. If I may brag on myself a moment, I'm excellent at applying nail polish. When you place the brush on your nail and all the polish runs to your cuticles and forms puddles, this is a formula issue. A formula, meaning some human actually created this nightmare, quality assurance let it go to mass production followed by marketing who wooed me into buying it. This is why I only buy cosmetics from stores with reasonable and customer oriented return policies.

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Fragrances
When I put on a fragrance that smells like gardenias, I want it to smell like gardenias from beginning to end. I don't want to smell like sandalwood three hours later. All this gibberish with top, middle and bottom notes makes my head spin. I get it that perfume transforms but to go from a lush green meadow to the depths of a mold filled cave, I don't think so.

Mascara Tube Rings
There is a great deal of engineering that goes into the mascara tube. Most of us care about the shape of the brush and the formula but the neck of the tube is important! The ring of the tube determines how much mascara stays on the wand. When I pull out the wand and it is globbed with mascara, what is that about? Do they seriously think I'm going to wipe it off on a tissue? Why, I ask you, why?

Old Products on the Shelves
I'm calling out Walgreens and Ulta on this one. How many times have you seen bottles of foundation or nail polish that sit on the shelf and the contents is separated? Who is merchandising these displays? Does anyone ever buy a bottle of foundation that is separated? I think not. I happen to like the Maybelline Dream Bouncy blushes. I was looking at the display in my local Walgreens and noticed they now had a highlighter color. Upon closer examination, it was a typical color blush that had faded to pale yellow.

Odd Shaped Lipstick Tubes
Yes, MAC, I'm talking to you. Rimmel, you listen up as well. Dior, join the party. Lancome's new line is guilty, too. Those of us with large collections, those of us who keep you in business, want to see the name of the lipstick color. That means we need to store the tube upright. I admit, I'm a sucker for Dior Addict lipstick packaging, my heart be still, however it has actually stopped me from buying more of it. Now that I have my Zahra lipstick storage towers, I'm at peace with all tube shapes. But for the last three decades, this has caused me heartburn. If you read my 2016 Beauty Resolutions post (link), you know I have an obsessive issue with lipstick storage systems. It's because of MAC and Rimmel and Dior and some others I can't think of at the moment! I'm getting heart palpitations right this very moment.
These won't stand up!
I'm going to stop here although my evil twin would like to continue this list. Neurosis runs in my family. That's my excuse.

Thank you for carving time out of your day to read my blog!


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